133. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Learn sign language, it’s very handy. 60. 18. 27. What is Mozart doing right now? I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. 80. 242. I enjoy every minute of it. 75. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. 116. You definitely don’t want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 157. Below are the 51 Great Soccer slogans. If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research. The only power you have is the word ‘no’. 226. 121. – Alison Boulter Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 91. 18. 41. I’m going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I’m outstanding. – Albert Einstein, 190. 60. 161. 107. 236. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn’t walk to the donut shop. 164. 182. 181. Antonio says things like "high five" and "wait 4 it". 132. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 49. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Flying prosthetic legs! 22. 278. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong. – Gary Delaney 248. 26. 3. 113. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. 65. Never judge a book by its movie. Why did the can crusher quit his job? God couldn’t be everywhere, so he created mothers. 58. 256. Run. 272. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 254. 187. 5. 139. 3. 211. Our goal is to score goals Some call them opponents, I call them Friends Born to play soccer Talk with your eyes play with […] 206. Not many people watched it, so I am reposting it for your viewing pleasure. 72. My windows aren’t dirty, my dog is painting. 144. 238. I try to match catchphrases to personalities. 17. 87. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 208. When they go away, it’s a brighter day. Friends buy you food. Those who snore always fall asleep first. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? "Leedle leedle leedle lee!" Because it was soda pressing. Some people are like clouds. 36. I don’t suffer from insanity. 89. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 44. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 187. Really? 51. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see. You know like: superficial, dumb and greedy! Anonymous. Witty one-liners are the best ice breakers, and they never seem to fail. 165. – Gary Delaney, 248. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. 96. You were too lazy to read that number. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. What is the tallest building in the entire world? 28. 39. 194. – Rodney Dangerfield, 198. Seven Days without Exercise Makes One Weak Your health comes first! Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. 98. I’m in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Do your own homework Go healthy and happy! I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 240. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. It’s a door, that’s how they work. Today I was a hero. – Bill Murray, 260. Be careful when you follow the masses. 109. 180. See more ideas about funny catch phrases, catch phrase, funny. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Just like every Monday does on Earth. 177. Anonymous. – Cindy from Marzahn May you live every day of your life. 151. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. 85. – Henny Youngman 213. 30. – Bill Murray What funny catchphrases have you given your villagers? Hey, it could've been worse. 58. 116. 81. You wanna know who I’m in love with? I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. I breathe in and out. 233. When they go away, it’s a brighter day. William Hung! 164. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Short people with an umbrella. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. – Wilson Mizner Short Cute Status Quotes. We're still pretty sure that American Idol host Randy Jackson was making it up as he went along—by "pitchy" wasn't he really saying "just sing it better? © 2020 Galvanized Media. Send me the link. It is no wonder then that the greatest of quotes are short quotes. 130. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘chocolate’ and I’ll turn around.. 111. Swimming trunks. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. It basically means, "Seriously? We know Lil' Scrappy was probably trying to compare himself to a tiger or a lion, but for some reason, we always think he's calling himself a kitty. I love my job only when I’m on vacation. An obstacle is often a stepping stone. 167. 40. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 220. We need to hear a pin drop. Read the first word again. 269. – Robert Bloch My ex boyfriend said this to me to be funny. I don’t go crazy, I am crazy. It’s called tomorrow. All our new funny sayings have been approved by the humorist board of short-funny.com. An obstacle is often a stepping stone. You can’t have everything, where would you put it? 75 Funny Farmer Slogans and Sayings. 1 0. amber(: 1 decade ago. – Cindy from Marzahn. – P.D. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. – Steve Martin, 254. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. – Ken Dodd, 255. 273. 170. Born out of Hebrew and German, Yiddish has many unique words and phrases that are used to give humor, sarcasm, and joy in the moment as needed. (. … Read More... about Participate in Research. 71. Running the Show. – Gary Delaney I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. ‘Alright, get in the basket.’. 184. Humor, an essential part of life, is used to get your attention, in movies or in election campaigns or in writing articles. 112. "Fish paste!" 160. People say you can’t live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. 177. Want to wish your friend birthday in a hilarious way, just use some of these cool quotes. ", It's a game show send-off that tries to be brutal, but ends up being polite. It’s called tomorrow. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish? If you can’t laugh at your own problems, call me and I’ll laugh at them. 124. 268. You May Read : Funny Short Status Quotes. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. 219. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Not me, but somebody does. ‘Revenge’ sounds so mean, that’s why I prefer to call it ‘Returning the favor.’ – Helen Giangregorio. These are not merely catchy sayings. – Jackie Collins 9. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 100. 217. 86. I have Alzheimer’s bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. You're going with that answer? This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 180. Decomposing. Ralph Waldo Emerson. A gummy bear. "Make it so." I wish my wallet came with free refills. They might have accidentally read a book or had a moment of self-reflection! So far, so good. Erich Maria Remarque Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. 192. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. SpongeBob SquarePants 1. Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. 76. – Paul Ehrlich, 241. 64. 217. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 171. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. An Apple a day does keep the doctor away U can’t ‘get’ wealth if U R […] I intend to live forever. If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research. 23. You don't say "Make it work" when somebody clearly has it figured out. I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying. And laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. – Bill Murray "Oh, puh-lease." The chains on my mood swing just snapped. When the past comes knocking, don’t answer. I don’t like morning people, or mornings, or people. 5. Nothing, they just waved. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. – Cindy from Marzahn 249. It is always to nice celebrate the birthday of your loved ones with nice and meaningful quotes that will make them feel that they are loved and cared for. Breasts don’t have eyes. You May Read : Funny Short Status Quotes. I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. It’s okay, he woke up. Also to post your pictures on Instagram with funny winter captions. If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? We’ve compiled the largest list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. 92. Unlike other literary tools quotes, and short quotes, in particular, give you the ability to concentrate on one idea with no outside distractions. 230. Send me the link. 249. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Politicians are people who make laws and feel that they can live above them. 101. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. 2. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 178. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Resident Neo total posts: 2553 I thought you said extra fries. 227. What it's from: Captain Picard's catch phrase in Star Trek: TNG When you say it: When someone offers to order pizza two hours into your Star Trek: The Next Generation marathon. 49. 20. They planet. 122. 27. 172. If only common sense were more common. As part of my job, I explain court procedures to visitors. 224. 275. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. Behold! 245. If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? How do you count cows? 212. Every day is a gift, that’s why they call it the present. If at first, you don’t succeed, so much for skydiving. 189. 67. How do trees access the internet? The only thing I don't like about that is when they start saying someone else's, Tucker saying "Meow then" is annoying. 42. Oct 23, 2020 - Explore Mark Roller's board "Funny weed quotes", followed by 108 people on Pinterest. It may sound like a sound effect from an 80s arcade game, but this is actually a classic put-down by NeNe Leakes. – Rodney Dangerfield. Honestly, we don't care if any of it is as spontaneous as it seems. But you can always be immature. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn’t seen my big screen TV. How do astronomers organize a party? 5. So whether it’s for self-motivation, your next t-shirt design or simply for your Instagram bio, this collection of short quotes is full of powerful ideas packed into tiny little packages of words. I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need. 79. If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. 162. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group, "I don't know, dawg, it sounded a little pitchy." Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 94. Never take life seriously. ~ Saul Bellow~ I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. No matter how bad it gets, I’m always rich when I go to the dollar store. Live what you love. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. I have Alzheimer’s bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. 161. – Sam Levenson. 191. 140. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. 212. Here are the 51 most catchy art slogans and taglines of all-time. 5 years ago. 70. It just plain forms. 216. 227. 99. It’s scary when it disappears. 225. Funny Catch Phrases. It's hard to explain why we find this favorite comeback by Bethenny Frankel so satisfying. I didn’t mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. – Bill Murray. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 272. 210. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Because he was always spotted. Aug 27, 2020 - A collection of funny sayings collected from Dark & Twisted's animated horror stories. It just plain forms. Exercise? 145. What do I do for a living? We've compiled the best 70 cute and funny quotes for you. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems.